


Wait Till I Give You A Sign

by artificialmac



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Drabble, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Infidelity, Emotionally Repressed, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 09:33:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18891904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialmac/pseuds/artificialmac
Summary: Sasha and Shea have been cheating on their significant others for a while now. Sasha always tries to call the next day. Shea doesn't want to talk tonight.





	Wait Till I Give You A Sign

**Author's Note:**

> Quick little drabble thats been sitting in my drafts for a while. Hope you enjoy/I make you cry!

The blue light reflected on the cracked green tile made Shea want to throw up. Not because of the horrible color clash, but because when she looked too long She swore she could feel the entire world on her chest. All the sorrow and pain weighed on her lungs and she couldn't catch her breath. She turned up the temperature of the water to ground herself in reality, but the dull feeling of the drops making contact with her body only blurred the sensations more, and made her focus more on the ugly green tile. 

It was ugly. Shea had decided. This tile was ugly, and made her feel small and weak. Shea hadn't felt weak in years. With weakness came the voices. Most days Shea could block them out, but nights like this, when she felt everything and nothing at all, there was no way Shea could even formulate a fight.   
The insults crawled up her thighs and snuck their teeth into her ribs, making the increasing pressure in her lungs nearly unbearable. She only heard the ends of the phrases but she knew what they were saying. She always knew what they were saying, especially when she couldn't hear them.   
Shea wanted to cry, wanted to scream, wanted to claw her way out of her own body, but the only sound in the bathroom was her labored breathing as she let wave after wave of nausea and pain envelop her. 

She doesn't know how long she stands there just swaying, but her phone vibrating jolts her a bit. The cool air on her cool skin doesn't phase her, as she practically floats over to her bathroom counter in a daze.

The text is simple enough. “How are you?” It should be simple enough to answer. But the person that sent the message wasn’t simple to answer. Never had been someone simple to answer. Because Shea couldn’t lie to Sasha. The older queen always caught on. 

Shea had been an excellent liar in school. Faking illnesses for grades, faking grades for more grades, faking joy for friends, faking friends for drugs. It was as easy as smoking. It burned her from the inside out, and she knew it was killing her, but she liked it anyway. A bad habit. She would quit someday. Someday was always the perfect day to set goals around. It never had to come.

Her phone buzzed again. “Can we talk?”

Sasha would want to talk. She was the kind that always wanted to talk. And talk. And talk. About everything. About their feelings and their dreams and their hopes for the future. All the time. Forever. Until they were going in circles. 

Shea knew what Sasha wanted to talk about, and Shea had no interest in that conversation, again. Already having had it in her mind for the past seven hours. 

“It was wrong.” Sasha would say.

“Did it feel wrong?”

There would be silence.

“I doesn’t matter how it felt. We’re hurting people.”

“Then why do you keep coming back?”

There would be more silence.

“You walk around like this perfect fucking angel, never do anything wrong. Telling people to be kind and shit. You don’t want to hurt people my ass. You love when we fuck, you love it more when you think about him, because for once in your miserable life you feel like you are doing something bad. And you love it. That’s why you keep coming back, because you like when it’s wrong. If you were single you wouldn’t like it. If I said I loved you, you wouldn’t like it because that is too easy. You like when it is hard and rough and so fucking bad for you.” Shea wouldn’t say.

She would hum and nod in the right places. Sasha and she would agree ‘never again.’

And they would see each other at gigs or in passing for a few months or a year, until the tension built up too much. And someone would throw someone else against a wall, or a bed, or a mirror, or a door, and they would fuck like animals. It would be the best sex either of them had all year. And Sasha would leave in the early hours of the morning. Shea would wake up alone. Not surprised, and still her heart would sink at the cold space beside her.

And Sasha would ask to call her the next day.


End file.
